Doodles [CLOSED]

I had sort of pushed the other away, well more or less just threw a limb up between us until I could sort my feelings and thoughts, turning away just slightly until my brain was organized once again.

Jiho’s breathing and constant close distance wasn’t helping in the least bit.

The awkward silence that passed between us loomed heavy and thick, surrounding us alone inside of his open unit… and part of me just wanted to stick that cig in between my lips, puff until the cartridge was completely empty, and go find something else non heated to occupy my time with. However I had to make this single filter last me for two weeks… that wasn’t about to happen. Instead I didn’t meet the other’s gaze as he studied my features for any sort of a clue as to how I was receiving this, still staring at a pointless spot on the solid ground as my mind churned, so when the man dropped his hand to my upper leg again I slowly shifted, pursing pierced tiers tightly together in deep contemplative thought. His touch was nearly electric, something I’m entirely unused to being so on edge all the damn time.

Think faster, Kyo. Are you going to let another man quite obviously turn you on, or no?

A quiet pant of an exhale escaped me, hues darting instead to eye the opened door underneath heavy brows. Okay so… if I say yes… just how far would I be willing to take this? To let him go, and what would I do in return? Man. The last thing I expected from a mental institution was… well, this. Close contact. Affection. And I really didn’t want to lead him on into something that I was terribly unsure of myself.

“… uh…” I mumbled stupidly, all sorts of flustered. However to the contact I couldn’t help the subtle way I leaned into the touch, dropping that arm I had thrown up between us slowly like the part of me was incredulously curious… but I didn’t give the man a direct answer. Puzzling, right? I didn’t know myself.

I just knew it didn’t feel bad so… … …

It seemed like a lot of this moment could be solved with a 'why the fuck not'...

I noticed the drop in the shoulder, and the lean in, and I was horribly flustered. All I wanted was to... Was to what? What exactly did I want again? Better question - how much was it that I wanted? And why was it right now? In a damned institution for Christ's sake? But at least this was one of the few sane people in said institution...

When I didn't get a no I cocked my head, waiting for a moment, hand on Kyo's leg shifting so my nails were playing with his inner thigh. There was a silence, and I couldn't tell if it was awkward and forced or just full of contemplation. But with just an unsure mumble, how was I supposed to respond?

And what even was this? It didn't matter. A culmination of a lot of stress needing an outlet? The fact that there might have been... some sort... of attraction?

Who the fuck knew?

There was another long pause before I leaned forward again, hesitantly moving back to the other man's ear and sighing softly into it before nipping at it softly.

Like I said, why the fuck not?

My jaw fell slack somewhat when the hand on my leg shifted inwards softly, short nails teasing across the thin fabric of these horrendous hospital pants. Needless to say I could feel everything and quite closely too… it wasn’t like I was wearing something thicker like my usual denim, had I been allowed my own personal taste for clothing. And still I made no movement to shove the other way, my own curiosity brimming.

I was somewhat nervous, that much was for certain. Or maybe I was just that unsure. My emotions and demeanor were sort of hard to read at this point, even as the younger man leaned into my side again and naught but a whisper danced across the cartilage. My head tipped and to keep myself from saying – or doing – anything of great stupidity I quickly shoved that filter back into my mouth, inhaling slowly and letting the familiar minty rush relax me as my eyes fell half-lidded.

I could… entertain this for now. A little touch never hurt anyone. My dark chocolate gaze never left that open door though, as if I was entirely on edge and obsessively watching, waiting if someone was to pass by.

I noticed the distraction, the glances to the door, the need to have something in his mouth... And I wasn't sure what to do. Before my mind really had a chance to really wrestle with any thought, however, I shifted my focus and bit down on his neck, eyes closed for a moment and hand slipping up under Kyo's shirt to lie flat on his stomach. I didn't dare go up further, though, and I dragged teeth against neck for a moment before pulling back and glancing at the door, lips pursed.

"I can close it, ya know," I mumbled, lips barely touching the other man's ear. Let's just see what would happen. Let's see how far this would go. Let's see if I could get any more sound from him, and if how he tilted his head meant what I thought it did.

I let my free hand quietly sneak back into the other's hair, just barely skimming the back, tongue running all along the other man's lobe for a quiet moment before going back to toying with it with my teeth. I don't know why I wanted a definite reaction, a definite response, or why I was acting like this in the first place. I was supposed to be some violent criminal, some insane guy who beat people up because he felt like it. Instead I was rather firmly attached to another man's ear by my lips and letting my nails trace along the lines of muscles of his stomach.

What a day.

"... You want me to?" I added, speaking without letting go of his ear.

He wanted another hardly audible sound? Well he definitely got one against my better judgment, once those teeth clamped down upon my neck. The rush instantly caused all of the tiny hairs to stand on edge on the back of my neck and I writhed underneath the feeling, a soft sound escaping me under my breath. To make matters worse that warm palm had slipped underneath my simple shirt as well and as he ran his palm across my stomach I shivered, leaning back against the wall thoughtlessly, my own hand reaching up to catch the cigarette less I drop it out of surprise. I wasn’t expecting the man to make such quick, forward actions.

I took another, final drag from my filter and as I exhaled that misty cloud of white I cracked open sharp eyes again, apparently I had closed them when I felt that bite to my neck.. yeah… close it? Close what? I sat in silence a moment as I tried to organize my thoughts qhich had completely gone off the deep end at this point.

Oh, he was taking about the door.

I don’t think I even cared anymore. If he was going to get up that meant he’d have to pull away, and the way I dropped my hand to cover the one on my stomach spoke volumes that I wasn’t about to let him escape so easily. Not after what he’d started. Squirming to the wet, warm assault he began on my ear I simply breathed, eyes mere slits of darkness as I stared at nothing in particular, even taking up my bottom lip between crooked teeth. This was going south and fast.

My earrings clicked subtly against the other’s teeth as he began nipping and tugging so when he spoke into the ridges of my ear I offered up another quiet breath of a sound, completely unsure of what my answer would even be at this point. Yes? No? I don’t care? “Aa-…”
What I wanted to say was if you don’t stop, I’m not going to be able to control the… aftermath very well.

“No.” I finally answered, my words a quiet mumble. I didn’t want him to get up now, nope. And I made that much clear with how my fingers curled around the other’s hand at my stomach.

No? No to the whole thing? No to the door?

I opened my mouth to ask him to elaborate but then I felt his hand curl around mine and all I managed was a stuttered exhalation as I looked down at it.

Oh. No to me getting up.

The way the voices were now hushed, that usually loud, blunt words were now soft whispers - everything was throwing me for a complete loop and if I'd been asked what I thought I'd be doing at this very moment, the answer would not have been anything remotely close to this. But I was okay with that. More than okay, as this continued. I was very much a sound person, and every little breath was just...

"... Fuck," I mumbled, not quite sure about what. The closeness, the situation, the door being open, the fact that this was all a turn-on that was becoming more and more obvious as the moments went on. And maybe I was okay with the aftermath, with losing control...

I offered one more nip to the other man's neck, then paused and added one further up, then one to the start of his jawline. And then that nip turned into a kiss and I didn't know what I was doing anymore, but I did turn his head so that we were facing each other. I stopped when I met his eyes, though, one hand still resting on his neck and shoulder until I moved it back to hair.

Oh, wow... we were close. Almost nose to nose close. And I was staring directly at him and... What was I doing?

Oh. Apparently I was sliding my hand up his shirt in an attempt to take it off. Mm... Who knows what was going to end up happening here, or how far I was going to be allowed to go. But I was okay with it.

If Jiho thought he was thrown for a complete loop he had no idea how I felt. After all, he was the one coming on to me. And I was still debating how I felt about it in general but right now, my mind wasn’t thinking that far about the schematics of things. No, the desire that had been sparked was doing all of the thinking for me. It had been far too long since I had myself any self-love time and even longer still since I’d been with any one night stands. And, for the record, I’d never been with a man before. Not that I’m so… against it or anything, it’s just never come up before. I’m not exactly what one would call… desirable.

Anyway. I’m probably thinking way too far ahead right now. Who’s to say that was even the man’s goal here?

As those teeth nipped and lips danced across my flesh my head tipped even further to the opposing side, opening up a vast area of skin for his mouth to explore while dark eyes continued to stare somewhat paranoid at the open door, however any thought behind the glare had nothing to do with passerbyers right now. No, my mind was all on focus with the sensation of a warm, wet mouth entertaining me, even while my hand still stupidly held at that electronic fag forgotten at my side. As the tiny bites turned into a kiss I made a tiny murr of a sound, and soon I found my features being tipped to face the younger man.

I met his chocolate orbs and managed a slow exhale, a multitude of thoughts parading through my mind to the closeness. … I was sold when that hand slipped up my torso and pushed the shirt with it.

Dropping my cigarette to the ground I lifted arms above my head and allowed myself to be stripped from the tank top, soon shifting how I was seated on that mattress from a cross-legged position to perch on my knees, moving to return the favor and peel Jiho’s shirt from his body as well.

It was weird. This was... Different. Without the words the room had taken on a completely different feel and I closed my eyes, eyebrow twitching slightly when the other man finally dropped the cigarette and slipped out of his shirt. And then mind was coming off and I shivered, brows furrowed and eyes still closed.

There was an absent thought about the door but in the grand scheme of things who really cared? If it mattered that much I'd find a way to close it eventually but now was a time to focus on something completely different. Was I even focused at all? I felt more blank than focused, until eventually I opened my eyes again, looking the other man over.

What a situation this was.

Idly I reached out, nails dragging from Kyo's chest to his stomach and eventually hooking around the waistband of his pants to pull him closer and other hand gripping hair and finally just giving in and kissing him.

There it was. There was that feeling, and I couldn't help but hear a little exhalation of a groan slip into the connection.

If I had been wanting to get closer I had succeeded. And the fact that he was letting me do some of my favorite things... Scratches, bites, little things... This entire situation just... Was pretty great, actually. I was all for this.

Allowing for both of our cotton T’s to crumple forgotten against the ground I couldn’t stop the tiny smirk that crawled across full lips, allowing for my own sharp hues to flicker over the other’s now exposed torso and have myself a grand look at all of his inkwork as well. I kept my palms braced against my own upper thighs though, unsure of what his – or even my own – limits were. He was more or less leading the way and I was just along for the ride.

And the intimacy and heat was about to skyrocket in here.

I arched somewhat as those hands raked over pectorals and abs, and once those exploratory fingers delved past the elastic waistband I couldn’t help but naturally shift closer, lifting my arms finally to brace firmly against the wall on either side of Jiho just as he laced his own fingers within cropped black strands and pulled me in. I wasn’t expecting to be kissed however. Hell, I wasn’t really expecting any of this.

Well, there we have it, I’d never been kissed by another man before.

The way I responded almost made it obvious that I hadn’t been ready for such an intimate leap, eyes going somewhat crossed as I peered at the closeness between us. I didn’t… immediately pull away, mostly because the soft sound that came from the other made practically caused me to melt where I was, however I didn’t move forward to deepen the kiss either. After a few mostly startled moments I tipped my head up and away, instead bracing myself almost possessively above him as I broke contact of our mouths and stole a soft gasp.

I felt my hands tighten slightly in his hair more than actually coherently changing my grip, loosening them a moment later. I couldn't help it - I could actually feel my temperature skyrocket internally and I almost immediately felt a bit self-conscious of what I'd just done. I'd never actually just hauled off and kissed someone like that, but it wasn't like I was mad at myself for doing it. In fact, it was just the opposite.

When he broke the contact I quite literally just let something of a whimper of loss slip into the room and I kept my eyes closed for a moment, licking my lips before letting my teeth run over my bottom lip slightly. Now it was a matter of the reaction from the other man, and considering how he was looking at me I didn't know what to expect.

So I kept eye contact, despite the fact that my gaze was half-lidded and one hand was still resting low on his stomach.

That was until I got distracted, eyes falling down to lips, taking in the hands by my head. I was just a bit disheartened by the lack of response from the kiss but I'd just gone ahead and done it so surprise was probably a factor. And I didn't even know if he was okay with all of this.

All I knew was that I felt pleasantly heated and quite comfortable with the closeness.

I didn’t seem to mind any amount of hair tugging. In fact, I maybe partially enjoyed it… and I was still trying to process how I felt over the entire situation. Mainly the kiss. Taking up that push bottom lip in between my teeth I bit down lightly on it, savoring the tingle as he seemed to be doing the same. I stared down at the younger, dark hues focused in deep thought.

“… … …” I really was unsure of what to say. I felt awkward, but it wasn’t like I was upset. Far from it, in fact. After what seemed like an eternity of strange silence looming between us I finally managed a lop-sided, amused grin, still struggling to find any words. My cheeks creased pleasantly however and I even averted that sharp, chocolate gaze rather bashfully. Who would have thought it, me, of all people, kind of shy? Fuck. I didn’t even know I was. Poking out a wet, pink tongue I ran it over my decorated tiers before clearing my throat finally, pulling my own arms back.

“Hnngh…” I made a small sound, dropping with a soft bounce against his mattress as my hand blindly dangled over the edge, groping desperately for my electronic cigarette. I needed something to settle these flaring nerves before I started giggling like a damn school boy.

I couldn't believe it - as he fell back I all but leaned forward to follow him before I stopped myself, having been far too distracted by the other man's tongue. The smile was infectious though, and I found myself smiling as well despite the loss of contact. After a moment I glanced down, watching him look for the little electronic cigarette - I assumed - and trying not to grin like an idiot.

Wow, I was grinning like an idiot? This was a change...

However eventually I eased off the bed, locating the cig that had rolled onto the floor and pausing to close the door. Finally I could stop worrying about it being open thank the lord.

I handed Kyo the eCig, sitting down as I waited for him to take it.

"You were looking for this, right?" I asked, voice just a hint breathier and huskier than I had been expecting and I had to pause because wow that tone had just come out of me, right? I cleared my throat, licking my lips and staying close. I ended up settling my head on Kyo's shoulder, watching the way he moved for a moment before pressing a kiss to his neck. That was all, just one.

Oh, wow. Well now that I'd started, why couldn't I just keep going...? So the kiss turned into more than one, hand moving to grip one of the other man's biceps lightly.

My dark hues followed as Jiho slipped off of the mattress and he stooped over, having found exactly what I was looking for just before he made a pit stop to the door. Click. Well there went the supposed paranoia of someone walking past and seeing us… doing… uh…

Reaching up I accepted that electronic smoke with a murmur of a thank you, switching the damn thing almost immediately before popping the filter in between my lips. The soft glow of its battery life reminded me of the burning tip of a real one. I wasn’t expecting the smoke to be so flavorful, nor was I expecting it to literally work just like an actual cigarette. Huh. Maybe I should invest in one of these when I got out of here. As the mattress sank with the added weight of Jiho returning I tipped slightly in his direction, noting the closeness between us.

And then there was that damn mouth again.

“Nhh..” I breathed, a slow plume of water vapor escaping parted lips as my head tipped to the opposite side, exposing my nape of flesh. My mind raced, wondering what his goal was – and just how far I’d entertain the notion, while one hand kept hold of my cig for sake of something to do. I was trying… trying oh so hard not to chew on it or to jitter with a curious need.

The little arches away, the little sounds, but the lack of response... It was... Confusing? In a way, I really didn't even know what I was getting at at this point. But I didn't really care to stop any time soon and my hand ended up slipping down his arm and I didn't really grasp that I was scratching him a bit but I guess I was.

For a moment I turned so I could watch, and I was about to say something to break the silence but the only thing that came out was a shaky exhalation of a sigh. Instead I just moved back to his ear, nipping one more time before speaking. Finally. I was finally managing to get words out, good for me.

"If you... want me to stop..." I mumbled, almost directly into his ear. Who knew what was going through Kyo's head, and at this point the only thing going through mine was the fact that I wanted to... just touch. I looked absently at the eCig, head cocked and still near Kyo's ear.

"Can I?" I asked, nodding to the little device in his hand. After all, it smelled nice. And if I was going to have any control at this moment...

I wouldn’t be surprised to know that I was coming off so confusing. I mean, I had no idea what I was even hoping for out of this entire situation as is, mind fighting over body. As the other exhaled and spoke in a low rumble into the ridge of my ear I shivered somewhat, the feel of short nails trailing down my arm leaving tiny red marks in their wake but I didn’t complain any.

Did I want him to stop? Physically, no, but I knew better. I mean shit, I’d hardly even known this guy for a week. I don’t know if he’s legit crazy, he doesn’t know if I’m legit crazy… maybe… maybe I should stop him, at least for now. Less we end up with more issues than I’m ready for right now.

“Nnh…” I breathed out, somewhat glad for the change of subject. Can he… have a smoke? Yes. Most definitely. In fact that had been my plan all along, but now I was more fixated on getting his hands to… uh. stop wandering for now. Change of heart? I just didn’t want to regret anything on down the line… not until I knew for a fact that he was somewhat sane in the head. Last thing I needed was someone flipping shit at me.

“Yes.” I answered in more of a rushed exhale than I originally wanted, unsure if I was answering about wanting him to stop or if he could steal a drag off of my smoke. I did however pull the filter from my lips, handing the thing over as I pursed my own lips. After a moment or two of awkward silence I shifted, pulling just slightly away from the other man’s wandering hands.

“Should.. probably…” I chuckled softly, ignoring the curious twitch from down below. Nope. Nope nope nope. Now my mind was wandering with entertaining ideas in the showers, recalling the last time I’d seen the other in full nudity… fff. I stuttered, slipping from the mattress as I pushed myself to a stand. Speaking of showers, I think I needed one to cool off, hurr. Besides. I know that my doctor was making a note to see me soon.

I nodded, taking a drag off the little cig and exhaling a bit sharper than I had been planning on. I needed to chill out, to cool my head off, and by the looks of it, he might have been thinking the same thing. I ended up handing the eCig back to him a moment later, head down somewhat as he stood.

Fuck. Man, what the hell was I even attempting right now? Was I really trying to start this right now? But maybe that was okay. Maybe everything was going to turn out well. Who knew.

"Yeah..." I mumbled, absently picking at the sheets on the bed. Nibbling on the inside of my lip, I gestured to Kyo's shirt, chuckling softly. "Don't forget that," I added, looking up at him and trying to deny the flustered blush. Which definitely wasn't a thing. Oh no. Not at all. And I definitely wasn't being sarcastic about that either. Never.

God dammit. I wasn't even sure why this had even become a thing. I certainly hadn't planned on this. But now it was a thing, and it wasn't like I could take it back. It wasn't like I wanted to, but...

I don't know, Kyo had maybe calmed me down and gotten me flustered at the same time, and I wasn't sure how to handle that.

Maybe it was better if I just thought it over after all.

I wasn't sure if those thoughts were reading on my face, but I ended up sighing, shooting him a little smile.

Reaching forward I collected my smoke once more, popping the filter back between pierced tiers and taking a slow, much needed drag, letting the plume of water vapor escape my nostrils in a sluggish trickle. Man… as much as I wanted to just dick around I was using my head for once. As much as I was trying not to imagine the there… in a nice, cool down shower…

Fuckin’ hell.

I did however catch that soft blush upon the other’s finely sculpted cheek bones and I couldn’t help but smirk boyishly around my cigarette, bending over at the waist to scoop my shirt up off of the ground and whip it around into my grip with a nervous chuckle. So… now, just… awkwardly excuse yourself? Probably for the better, really. Then I could go.. uh. Spend some solo time to think over my actions.

“I should…” I trailed off, jerking a thumb towards the closed door. Spinning around on the ball of my foot I sauntered off, blushing myself like a damned fool. “See you around, Jiho.” I waved lazily, my back to the other.

Well that was… interesting. And it got me thinking. Never before had a man come on to me like that so… ugh. As I saw myself out I tried to peek at the man’s charts without seeming suspicious, wondering if there were any sort of notes about his mental behavior.

I think that’s really the only thing holding me back right now. The looming thought of fucking something up between both of us.

What were we, back in fucking high school? Both of us were acting like we'd never been in this situation before. Well... Neither of us had been in this exact situation, but that was beside the point. I couldn't tell you the last time I blushed over someone, and I didn't really know how to handle myself so I just nodded, letting out a sharp exhalation of a chuckle.

"Yeah, of course," I replied, watching him slip out of the room and sitting there for a second before flopping back onto my bed almost pitifully, hands over my face.

What the hell was this? On the plus side, at least I had something else to think on and distract me from this place. On the negative side... Well, frustration levels were through the roof and I wasn't sure how to deal with it fully at least.

I guess I'd just kind of figure it out as I went along. Yeah. That sounded like a pretty solid plan for now.